An Average Day for a Gambler
"There is just one life for each of us: our own." - Euripides
One thing about being a gambler you are never bored. By 1998 everything in my life was upside down, but there were still positives. My daughter graduated from High School in June of 1998 with an average that gained her an entrance scholarship to Memorial. My sons were doing very well academicly and because of their involvment in various sports they seemed to be enjoying their teenage years. By the fall of 1998 my wife and I were discussing making a permanent move to St. John's due to the fact that in a few years all three of our children would be attending Memorial.
What I am going to relate to you now may give you some idea of how a gambler thinks. Everything for a gambler is about self-preservation. From the moment I awoke in the morning my mind was working on two things - first did I have any money to gamble and if not where could I get money - second, how long before I could get in front of a machine. The moment that my family left for work and school, the following happened. First I had to shower and put on my suit because of course I wouldn't gamble all day, I would have to do some work. (Yeah right) Then, if I had money, within an hour I would be sitting on my favourite chair in front of my favourite machine. Oh yes, we gamblers had our favourite spots and we would be upset if someone was playing "our" machine. Now, if I didn't have money, then I had to get creative. Because of the damage that this part of the addiction caused me in all facets of my life, I am not going to detail the many ways that I got money to gamble. However, let me say that many, many people were hurt by my actions and I take full responsilbilty for their pain. While I have said this before - my deepest apologies to my wife and my three children - you deserved better.
While this tells the story of the main portion of my day , the remaining hours were the most stressful. You see sitting in front of a machine was the only place where a gambler could be at ease, that is until you started to run out of money or the moment you had to leave started to arrive. Once I left that machine, now I had to start covering my tracks. This involved remembering the lies you told earlier, making up stories to account for your day, checking the mail in case a damaging piece of information had arrived and trying to smile and seem happy when your entire system was telling you something totally different. I am exhausted just relating this to you. Oh the lies, definitely the most debilitating part of the addiction.
It is 7:00am and I am outside puffing on a cigarette. The clouds overhead are darker than I can ever remember. Today, I have to make a decision that will impact my life forever.
One thing about being a gambler you are never bored. By 1998 everything in my life was upside down, but there were still positives. My daughter graduated from High School in June of 1998 with an average that gained her an entrance scholarship to Memorial. My sons were doing very well academicly and because of their involvment in various sports they seemed to be enjoying their teenage years. By the fall of 1998 my wife and I were discussing making a permanent move to St. John's due to the fact that in a few years all three of our children would be attending Memorial.
What I am going to relate to you now may give you some idea of how a gambler thinks. Everything for a gambler is about self-preservation. From the moment I awoke in the morning my mind was working on two things - first did I have any money to gamble and if not where could I get money - second, how long before I could get in front of a machine. The moment that my family left for work and school, the following happened. First I had to shower and put on my suit because of course I wouldn't gamble all day, I would have to do some work. (Yeah right) Then, if I had money, within an hour I would be sitting on my favourite chair in front of my favourite machine. Oh yes, we gamblers had our favourite spots and we would be upset if someone was playing "our" machine. Now, if I didn't have money, then I had to get creative. Because of the damage that this part of the addiction caused me in all facets of my life, I am not going to detail the many ways that I got money to gamble. However, let me say that many, many people were hurt by my actions and I take full responsilbilty for their pain. While I have said this before - my deepest apologies to my wife and my three children - you deserved better.
While this tells the story of the main portion of my day , the remaining hours were the most stressful. You see sitting in front of a machine was the only place where a gambler could be at ease, that is until you started to run out of money or the moment you had to leave started to arrive. Once I left that machine, now I had to start covering my tracks. This involved remembering the lies you told earlier, making up stories to account for your day, checking the mail in case a damaging piece of information had arrived and trying to smile and seem happy when your entire system was telling you something totally different. I am exhausted just relating this to you. Oh the lies, definitely the most debilitating part of the addiction.
It is 7:00am and I am outside puffing on a cigarette. The clouds overhead are darker than I can ever remember. Today, I have to make a decision that will impact my life forever.
posted by Taximan at 11:24 AM
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