Loneliness
"Loneliness, the clearest of crystal insight in to your own soul, its the fear of one's self that haunts the lonely." - Keith Haynie
Because of something that happened in the past twenty-four hours I need to change course for this entry. If you are reading this and you are addicted to any of the vices that are out there, gambling, drugs. alcohol, cigarettes, or if you are the loved one of an addict, you need to be aware of the part that loneliness plays in the lives of an addict.
There is no greater fear than that of being alone. Even though I spent most days sitting in front of a machine not wanting to be disurbed by anyone or anything, I was truly afraid of being alone. Because of the way you lead your life as an addict, at any moment the people you love most in your life can leave you. Sometimes, even when you are still living with them you get that feeling that you are actually on your own. To tell you the truth, the times that I felt most alone were when I was with a crowd of people.
You understand where you are at, the trouble you are in and why you are in such turmoil. The person next to you does not understand and will never understand. Add to this the feeling of dispair, of total loss and maybe you can begin to understand the tremendous effect that an addiction can have on your entire system. For those who want to get help or for those who want to help, the answer is the same - be open.
To the addict, be open with the people you love and who love you. Be open with the professionals who are trying to help you. Be open to suggestions, offers of support, or even a shoulder to cry on. Let me tell you, I have shed many a tear in the last ten years.
To the person who wants to help, be open to really listening to what this person is telling you. Be open, do not become the judge and jury. The last thing that a person who is depressed and lonely needs is someone to judge them. Be open to just waiting for the person to ask for help and then do what you can for them. You may be hurting as well so it is very important that you keep your feelings separate and get some help for yourself as well.
Finally, as I work my way through the sea of emotions that I experience on a daily basis, as a compulsive gambler, who has been clean now for quite some time, I need to be totally aware of the times now when loneliness befalls me. I really felt that this was behind me, but like every other part of this addiction, nothing is ever behind you. I will always be a compulsive gambler, and that I accept.
Because of something that happened in the past twenty-four hours I need to change course for this entry. If you are reading this and you are addicted to any of the vices that are out there, gambling, drugs. alcohol, cigarettes, or if you are the loved one of an addict, you need to be aware of the part that loneliness plays in the lives of an addict.
There is no greater fear than that of being alone. Even though I spent most days sitting in front of a machine not wanting to be disurbed by anyone or anything, I was truly afraid of being alone. Because of the way you lead your life as an addict, at any moment the people you love most in your life can leave you. Sometimes, even when you are still living with them you get that feeling that you are actually on your own. To tell you the truth, the times that I felt most alone were when I was with a crowd of people.
You understand where you are at, the trouble you are in and why you are in such turmoil. The person next to you does not understand and will never understand. Add to this the feeling of dispair, of total loss and maybe you can begin to understand the tremendous effect that an addiction can have on your entire system. For those who want to get help or for those who want to help, the answer is the same - be open.
To the addict, be open with the people you love and who love you. Be open with the professionals who are trying to help you. Be open to suggestions, offers of support, or even a shoulder to cry on. Let me tell you, I have shed many a tear in the last ten years.
To the person who wants to help, be open to really listening to what this person is telling you. Be open, do not become the judge and jury. The last thing that a person who is depressed and lonely needs is someone to judge them. Be open to just waiting for the person to ask for help and then do what you can for them. You may be hurting as well so it is very important that you keep your feelings separate and get some help for yourself as well.
Finally, as I work my way through the sea of emotions that I experience on a daily basis, as a compulsive gambler, who has been clean now for quite some time, I need to be totally aware of the times now when loneliness befalls me. I really felt that this was behind me, but like every other part of this addiction, nothing is ever behind you. I will always be a compulsive gambler, and that I accept.
posted by Taximan at 10:48 AM
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