Escape Route
"God does not command that we do great things, only little things with great love." - Mother Teresa
I apologize to those of you who are waiting for me to continue with my story, but this has been one heck of a week. Everytime I think my life is moving forward something else jumps up and frightens me. Yesterday, my regular check-up with my family Doctor took place. Just routine stuff, go over my blood work, discuss my general health and what is going on in my life. Of course my Doctor is aware of my gambling addiction and as always he inquires as to how I am doing with this part of my life. I tell him about my great plans, how excited I am and what my future plans are. He seems to be excited for me as well, but then he drops the Bombshell!!!!!!
What is your "escape route" he asks very calmly. I don't have one, I don't need one and I don't want one. For me an escape route is a way of allowing a very tiny part of your brain to say "you know it is okay if you have one little slip." For me, with the changes that have occurred in my life, a visit to a VLT would be a tremendous set back. Guess what, he answers with the following "this is exactly why you need an escape route." We argue for a number of minutes about this fact and then he relates a story to me about someone he knew. This person was just as excited about their future as I am, but one day he slipped and because he lacked an escape route, he took his life.
You know folks, I don't need this crap right now, but seeing as God gave me some intelligence, I understand it. From where I sit this is how things look. Everyone who has been involved in my life for the past 50 years has formed a picture of who and what I am in their mind. Good or bad, they have a picture, complete with colour and graphics that comes to mind when they hear my name. Whether it is my Dad, my brothers and sisters, my wife, my children, my friends, my previous friends and aquaintenances, or anyone else that I have had contact with in the past 50 years, except for one person.
The last time I gambled was in July of 2005, the last time I smoked was in August of 2005. On September 10, 2005 my granddaughter was born. The way I see it, she will never know a Poppy who gambled and she will never know a Poppy who smoked. She will know a totally different person than even my children know. She is my sunshine, she is my new beginning. She represents, not just the purity of herself, but my purity as well.
So Doctor, I have built the box that I reside in today, the question is, do I need a window??????
I apologize to those of you who are waiting for me to continue with my story, but this has been one heck of a week. Everytime I think my life is moving forward something else jumps up and frightens me. Yesterday, my regular check-up with my family Doctor took place. Just routine stuff, go over my blood work, discuss my general health and what is going on in my life. Of course my Doctor is aware of my gambling addiction and as always he inquires as to how I am doing with this part of my life. I tell him about my great plans, how excited I am and what my future plans are. He seems to be excited for me as well, but then he drops the Bombshell!!!!!!
What is your "escape route" he asks very calmly. I don't have one, I don't need one and I don't want one. For me an escape route is a way of allowing a very tiny part of your brain to say "you know it is okay if you have one little slip." For me, with the changes that have occurred in my life, a visit to a VLT would be a tremendous set back. Guess what, he answers with the following "this is exactly why you need an escape route." We argue for a number of minutes about this fact and then he relates a story to me about someone he knew. This person was just as excited about their future as I am, but one day he slipped and because he lacked an escape route, he took his life.
You know folks, I don't need this crap right now, but seeing as God gave me some intelligence, I understand it. From where I sit this is how things look. Everyone who has been involved in my life for the past 50 years has formed a picture of who and what I am in their mind. Good or bad, they have a picture, complete with colour and graphics that comes to mind when they hear my name. Whether it is my Dad, my brothers and sisters, my wife, my children, my friends, my previous friends and aquaintenances, or anyone else that I have had contact with in the past 50 years, except for one person.
The last time I gambled was in July of 2005, the last time I smoked was in August of 2005. On September 10, 2005 my granddaughter was born. The way I see it, she will never know a Poppy who gambled and she will never know a Poppy who smoked. She will know a totally different person than even my children know. She is my sunshine, she is my new beginning. She represents, not just the purity of herself, but my purity as well.
So Doctor, I have built the box that I reside in today, the question is, do I need a window??????
posted by Taximan at 12:32 PM
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