Choices
"People who do not see their choices do not believe they have choices. They tend to respond automatically, blindly influenced by their circumstances and conditioning. Mindfulness, by helping us notice our impulses before we act, gives us the opportunity to decide whether to act and how to act." - Gil Fronsdal
Please do me a favour, read the quote again. If you don't get it, read it again. In a nutshell it is what addictive people do - we respond automatically to our circumstances and our conditioning. Our recovery teaches us to stop, think before we act, realize the consequences of our actions before we act, and make a well thought out choice of action. Wait for a second, did I say that this is what addictive people do, I believe a large percentage of the population responds automatically and blindly, based on their circumstances and conditioning.
When all this began, I had the problem, I was causing the problems, my actions resulted in upheaval, my life was out of control, and I was a drag on the entire system. My choices at the time were definitely limited and thank God I chose the path I am on today. In the past eighteen months I have worked very, very hard to make what I would consider to be very limited progress. Others may believe, or wish to believe, that I have come full circle, but I am very cognizant of where I am in my recovery. My recovery has reached a very critical juncture. The time has come to look at the deep dark secrets of my past, figure out the why, and hopefully they will not be repeated again.
Can this be so difficult? Why is this so critical? Looking from the outside in, you may believe that all I need to do is continue my abstinence and everything will be okay. Wrong answer, if I don't follow through and complete the transformation of my character, if I don't make the tough decisions about my actions, as sure as there is snow in the Alps, I will repeat those negative actions again. And I also realize that while this may hurt other people, the devastating effect it will have on me, may result in a devastating outcome.
My difficulty today is how do I respond to the actions of others. What I am trying to do is articulate for other people how crucial it is to communicate their thoughts and their feelings. There needs to be a constant dialogue between those in recovery and those people who are closest to them, if the honesty and truth that both sides are seeking is to be achieved. I know, based on my past, the distress that was caused by my previous actions. My new choice of life, the decisions I make and the changes in character that I am trying to implement, are becoming increasingly difficult to make because I am unsure of the impact those choices will have on other people. I thought, as most people would, that the result would have a positive impact, but the feedback that I am receiving based on the actions of others, does not lead me to believe that the impact is very positive.
In my life today, when I am confronted with any type of negativity, a series of well conditioned thoughts begin creeping their way into my life. Because of the work that I have done in building a force within myself to fight this type of thinking, I am able to limit the impact they have on my life for today. The concern that I have, is no matter how much reconditioning I do, my subconscious still contains this old way of thinking. Based on this, will the day come again where my subconscious thoughts win the battle? To ensure that this never happens I need to continue building a safety net. My safety net has to include other people. People who are willing to share and be frank about their thoughts, their needs, their fears, their hopes and their dreams. Then and only then can real progress be made, real fears subdued and real dreams be explored.
To me it sounds very exciting. To me it means that all involved will stop responding blindly, based on conditioning and circumstances. To me it means opening our hearts and our minds to a new way of living. Most importantly, however, it means taking that very critical step on my road to recovery. A road where jay walking is the only form of "Gambling".
Please do me a favour, read the quote again. If you don't get it, read it again. In a nutshell it is what addictive people do - we respond automatically to our circumstances and our conditioning. Our recovery teaches us to stop, think before we act, realize the consequences of our actions before we act, and make a well thought out choice of action. Wait for a second, did I say that this is what addictive people do, I believe a large percentage of the population responds automatically and blindly, based on their circumstances and conditioning.
When all this began, I had the problem, I was causing the problems, my actions resulted in upheaval, my life was out of control, and I was a drag on the entire system. My choices at the time were definitely limited and thank God I chose the path I am on today. In the past eighteen months I have worked very, very hard to make what I would consider to be very limited progress. Others may believe, or wish to believe, that I have come full circle, but I am very cognizant of where I am in my recovery. My recovery has reached a very critical juncture. The time has come to look at the deep dark secrets of my past, figure out the why, and hopefully they will not be repeated again.
Can this be so difficult? Why is this so critical? Looking from the outside in, you may believe that all I need to do is continue my abstinence and everything will be okay. Wrong answer, if I don't follow through and complete the transformation of my character, if I don't make the tough decisions about my actions, as sure as there is snow in the Alps, I will repeat those negative actions again. And I also realize that while this may hurt other people, the devastating effect it will have on me, may result in a devastating outcome.
My difficulty today is how do I respond to the actions of others. What I am trying to do is articulate for other people how crucial it is to communicate their thoughts and their feelings. There needs to be a constant dialogue between those in recovery and those people who are closest to them, if the honesty and truth that both sides are seeking is to be achieved. I know, based on my past, the distress that was caused by my previous actions. My new choice of life, the decisions I make and the changes in character that I am trying to implement, are becoming increasingly difficult to make because I am unsure of the impact those choices will have on other people. I thought, as most people would, that the result would have a positive impact, but the feedback that I am receiving based on the actions of others, does not lead me to believe that the impact is very positive.
In my life today, when I am confronted with any type of negativity, a series of well conditioned thoughts begin creeping their way into my life. Because of the work that I have done in building a force within myself to fight this type of thinking, I am able to limit the impact they have on my life for today. The concern that I have, is no matter how much reconditioning I do, my subconscious still contains this old way of thinking. Based on this, will the day come again where my subconscious thoughts win the battle? To ensure that this never happens I need to continue building a safety net. My safety net has to include other people. People who are willing to share and be frank about their thoughts, their needs, their fears, their hopes and their dreams. Then and only then can real progress be made, real fears subdued and real dreams be explored.
To me it sounds very exciting. To me it means that all involved will stop responding blindly, based on conditioning and circumstances. To me it means opening our hearts and our minds to a new way of living. Most importantly, however, it means taking that very critical step on my road to recovery. A road where jay walking is the only form of "Gambling".
posted by Taximan at 10:23 AM
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