Who Are You?
"Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people." - Martina Navratilova
Why is it we don't like other people putting a label on us but we don't mind putting a label on ourselves? Or is it that we don't mind other people putting certain labels on us as long as the label is positive and as long as we agree with them? Funny thing about that fact, call me intelligent but don't call me stupid. You can tell people I am honest but don't call me a liar. It is okay to tell people how successful I am but don't call me an under-achiever. Talk about my inner beauty but don't discuss my ugly side. Tell people how brave I am to face my addictive habits head-on but don't say a word about how cowardly I am when it comes to dealing with my actual defects of character. Funny thing how quiet I am when my life is up for discussion compared to how loud I am when we are talking about someone else's problems. Any of this sound familiar? Or am I the only person stupid enough to think this way?
You see folks, if you really want to address the problems in your life, you need to be honest with yourself. It is pointless to sit there week after week and say "I am a compulsive gambler", if the only thing we are willing to do about it is try not to gamble. You see gambling is a symptom of something else that is wrong in your life. There is no doubt in my mind that when everything is good in my life, gambling is a very distant thought, however turn up the stress level, and all of a sudden that distant thought can become tomorrow's reality. Why? Because we haven't developed the tools required to deal with the stressful events in our life. Instead we find it easier to have a slip, admit our mistake, and sit there confidently and say the reason for my slip is because "I am a compulsive gambler".
Now extend this line of thinking one step further and you will begin to understand why we have problems in our various relationships. We have a slip and say how stupid we are, but if our spouse happens to say how stupid we are, we accuse them of not being supportive. We admit that our lies are unacceptable, but if our friend feels hurt by our lying, we accuse them of not understanding. Deep down we know we are under-achieving, but let our employer state this fact and we accuse them of not giving us the required tools to do our job. Do I doubt what I want in this life? Never. Do I doubt my commitment to achieve what I want in this life? Always. But I am the only person allowed to think it and the only person allowed to say it.
So the question remains, who are you? Are you the person who seeks a better life regardless of the label or are you the person who seeks comfort from the world because of the label? Who you are and who you wish to be, is in your control. If you want to be seen as honest, be honest. If you want to be seen as a person committed to your recovery, commit to it. You will be able to better define who you are when you accept the fact that no matter what the outside world sees, it is what you see that truly makes the difference. If you take a moment today to list the labels that best represent what you want to become, you can begin to shed that label that only represents what you are and not what you want to be. Today "I am a compulsive gambler" but tomorrow I want to be wise, loving, easy-going, humble, energetic, happy, optimistic, healthy, free........................
Why is it we don't like other people putting a label on us but we don't mind putting a label on ourselves? Or is it that we don't mind other people putting certain labels on us as long as the label is positive and as long as we agree with them? Funny thing about that fact, call me intelligent but don't call me stupid. You can tell people I am honest but don't call me a liar. It is okay to tell people how successful I am but don't call me an under-achiever. Talk about my inner beauty but don't discuss my ugly side. Tell people how brave I am to face my addictive habits head-on but don't say a word about how cowardly I am when it comes to dealing with my actual defects of character. Funny thing how quiet I am when my life is up for discussion compared to how loud I am when we are talking about someone else's problems. Any of this sound familiar? Or am I the only person stupid enough to think this way?
You see folks, if you really want to address the problems in your life, you need to be honest with yourself. It is pointless to sit there week after week and say "I am a compulsive gambler", if the only thing we are willing to do about it is try not to gamble. You see gambling is a symptom of something else that is wrong in your life. There is no doubt in my mind that when everything is good in my life, gambling is a very distant thought, however turn up the stress level, and all of a sudden that distant thought can become tomorrow's reality. Why? Because we haven't developed the tools required to deal with the stressful events in our life. Instead we find it easier to have a slip, admit our mistake, and sit there confidently and say the reason for my slip is because "I am a compulsive gambler".
Now extend this line of thinking one step further and you will begin to understand why we have problems in our various relationships. We have a slip and say how stupid we are, but if our spouse happens to say how stupid we are, we accuse them of not being supportive. We admit that our lies are unacceptable, but if our friend feels hurt by our lying, we accuse them of not understanding. Deep down we know we are under-achieving, but let our employer state this fact and we accuse them of not giving us the required tools to do our job. Do I doubt what I want in this life? Never. Do I doubt my commitment to achieve what I want in this life? Always. But I am the only person allowed to think it and the only person allowed to say it.
So the question remains, who are you? Are you the person who seeks a better life regardless of the label or are you the person who seeks comfort from the world because of the label? Who you are and who you wish to be, is in your control. If you want to be seen as honest, be honest. If you want to be seen as a person committed to your recovery, commit to it. You will be able to better define who you are when you accept the fact that no matter what the outside world sees, it is what you see that truly makes the difference. If you take a moment today to list the labels that best represent what you want to become, you can begin to shed that label that only represents what you are and not what you want to be. Today "I am a compulsive gambler" but tomorrow I want to be wise, loving, easy-going, humble, energetic, happy, optimistic, healthy, free........................
posted by Taximan at 11:13 AM
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