Excuses, Faults in Uniform
"Bad men excuse their faults; good men abandon them." - Author Unknown
For most of my life I have had an excuse for everything. I could create an excuse in the blink of an eye. Often I would anticipate the query and create any number of excuses, settling on what I thought would be the most acceptable. Looking back, I don't recall feeling guilty. Many times I believe I used an excuse just because I could. You name the character flaw and I had an excuse for why I had it and why I couldn't change it.
Jonathan Swift said "an excuse is a lie guarded". I find this interesting because when I was gambling, I told lies even when the truth would be accepted. To find out today that most of my excuses were lies as well, really highlights just how confused we become when a vice, such as gambling, takes over our life. If you think about your own life and begin paying attention to how you respond to certain questions, you will see just how often you use an excuse for an answer. Deep down inside you know the real answer to the question, and you don't mean to be dishonest, it is just easier to use an excuse. Sort of protects your integrity, or maybe it causes you to lose your integrity, depending on your vantage point. The reason I say this is because 99% of the time the person you are telling your excuse to, accepts it for exactly what it is, an excuse. It could be your boss, a co-worker, your spouse, your child, your friend or a bill collector, we are all very adept at recognizing an excuse.
Excuses became today's topic because of something that happened at work. I had just dropped off a passenger and was heading for the closest gas station to make a pit stop when the dispatcher said - "now boys and girls don't forget your 649 tickets, 20 million tonight". There was a number of comments from various drivers, however I continued on my journey paying little attention to what was being said. When I was leaving the gas station I noticed the big sign advertising the 20 million as tonight's prize. Then, as I was getting in my car, it happened, the most dangerous thought that a compulsive gambler can have, maybe I should buy a ticket.
In the next two minutes a number of thoughts went through my mind. First I considered if I should buy a ticket. Then I wondered would it result in me buying even more tickets in the future. Then I began to think about what would happen if I won any amount of money. How would I explain the ticket? How would I explain the money? Then, just like a well oiled machine, the excuses started entering my thought process. Each excuse better than the previous one, more believable, more acceptable, more like a lie. Just as quick as all of this started, the work that I have done throughout my recovery kicked in and solid reasons, instead of lame excuses, returned me to reality.
As a compulsive gambler, my reality today has to be about honesty, especially on a personal level. Everyone understands that maybe you can fool the odd person every now and then, but you cannot fool the person in the mirror. If I had purchased a ticket tonight, I would have to turn my back to the mirror tomorrow morning. There is a good side to this story. The Gamblers Anonymous Program works. If you commit yourself to the Program, use the Steps as your daily guide, you can achieve and maintain your abstinence. Each and every day you open your eyes, commit to "One Day at a Time", commit to living the Step Program, commit to accepting the fact you have no control over your vice, and you will achieve the ultimate reward, another twenty-four hours free to live your life in peace.
For most of my life I have had an excuse for everything. I could create an excuse in the blink of an eye. Often I would anticipate the query and create any number of excuses, settling on what I thought would be the most acceptable. Looking back, I don't recall feeling guilty. Many times I believe I used an excuse just because I could. You name the character flaw and I had an excuse for why I had it and why I couldn't change it.
Jonathan Swift said "an excuse is a lie guarded". I find this interesting because when I was gambling, I told lies even when the truth would be accepted. To find out today that most of my excuses were lies as well, really highlights just how confused we become when a vice, such as gambling, takes over our life. If you think about your own life and begin paying attention to how you respond to certain questions, you will see just how often you use an excuse for an answer. Deep down inside you know the real answer to the question, and you don't mean to be dishonest, it is just easier to use an excuse. Sort of protects your integrity, or maybe it causes you to lose your integrity, depending on your vantage point. The reason I say this is because 99% of the time the person you are telling your excuse to, accepts it for exactly what it is, an excuse. It could be your boss, a co-worker, your spouse, your child, your friend or a bill collector, we are all very adept at recognizing an excuse.
Excuses became today's topic because of something that happened at work. I had just dropped off a passenger and was heading for the closest gas station to make a pit stop when the dispatcher said - "now boys and girls don't forget your 649 tickets, 20 million tonight". There was a number of comments from various drivers, however I continued on my journey paying little attention to what was being said. When I was leaving the gas station I noticed the big sign advertising the 20 million as tonight's prize. Then, as I was getting in my car, it happened, the most dangerous thought that a compulsive gambler can have, maybe I should buy a ticket.
In the next two minutes a number of thoughts went through my mind. First I considered if I should buy a ticket. Then I wondered would it result in me buying even more tickets in the future. Then I began to think about what would happen if I won any amount of money. How would I explain the ticket? How would I explain the money? Then, just like a well oiled machine, the excuses started entering my thought process. Each excuse better than the previous one, more believable, more acceptable, more like a lie. Just as quick as all of this started, the work that I have done throughout my recovery kicked in and solid reasons, instead of lame excuses, returned me to reality.
As a compulsive gambler, my reality today has to be about honesty, especially on a personal level. Everyone understands that maybe you can fool the odd person every now and then, but you cannot fool the person in the mirror. If I had purchased a ticket tonight, I would have to turn my back to the mirror tomorrow morning. There is a good side to this story. The Gamblers Anonymous Program works. If you commit yourself to the Program, use the Steps as your daily guide, you can achieve and maintain your abstinence. Each and every day you open your eyes, commit to "One Day at a Time", commit to living the Step Program, commit to accepting the fact you have no control over your vice, and you will achieve the ultimate reward, another twenty-four hours free to live your life in peace.
posted by Taximan at 11:23 PM
1 Comments:
John,
You should mention about GA new National Helpline number.
888-GA-HELPS.
Thanks
Gary S
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