One Person's Courage
"There are no mistakes, save one; the failure to learn from your mistakes." - Robert Fripp
It is now the fall of 1999, my wife and daughter are living in an apartment in St. John's during the week and coming home on the weekends. My two sons and I are living in Carbonear and waiting until June of 2000 to make the move to the city. Everything in my life is upside down, but somehow deep inside of me I believe that I can make things okay. Without going into detail let me say that there has been a situation developing over the course of about eighteen months involving illegal activity on my part and I have myself convinced that I can make it right.
Early November, for reasons that I still don't know, I decided to quit gambling and return to Gamblers Anonymous. In my mind I have everything rationalized to the point where my plan is to rededicate myself to my work and my family and within a short period of time things can be put back in order. The difference between developing a plan in your mind and making that plan a reality can sometimes be a little overwhelming. It becomes even more difficult when your job pays you a straight commission and the amount of money you need is in the thousands. You know, as I look back at it now, no one could accuse me of not making lofty goals.
When you are the center of your own attention you fail to see the tremendous sacrifice that other people are making. For the months of November and December 1999 even though I hadn't gambled I wasn't able to generate much income either. Christmas was right around the corner and I had no idea how we were going to make it happen for our family. We had an apartment in St. John's and a house in Carbonear to pay for. We had two phone bills, two power bills, a car payment, insurance, groceries and a few things that I am probably forgetting. I really can't remember what kind of a contribution I made to our family finances during that two month period, if any at all. I had no idea what my wife was doing to get ready for Christmas either.
During my involvement with VLTs there were certain events that stick out in your mind. Christmas Eve, 2000 is definitely one of those times. Shortly after our kids went to bed, my wife and I started the tradition of gathering up the gifts and preparing for Santa's arrival. As my wife started to place the gifts in the living room and sort them for each of our children, I couldn't help but look on in amazement. How did she do it? How was she able to make a Christmas for our family by herself? When I commented to her about what she had achieved, a tear came to her eye. I had always known the strength of my wife, but I have to say that never before had I seen such courage in the face of adversity. This lady had created Christmas out of very little. She done it alone. She knew of my battles and she was going to keep fighting for this family as long as she could possibly do it.
My wife will tell you to this day that I believe that God understands your weaknesses and to make up for this he gives you someone to help you cope. It is no fluke that I married this very special person, she was given to me as a gift from God and I thank him for her everyday.
It is now the fall of 1999, my wife and daughter are living in an apartment in St. John's during the week and coming home on the weekends. My two sons and I are living in Carbonear and waiting until June of 2000 to make the move to the city. Everything in my life is upside down, but somehow deep inside of me I believe that I can make things okay. Without going into detail let me say that there has been a situation developing over the course of about eighteen months involving illegal activity on my part and I have myself convinced that I can make it right.
Early November, for reasons that I still don't know, I decided to quit gambling and return to Gamblers Anonymous. In my mind I have everything rationalized to the point where my plan is to rededicate myself to my work and my family and within a short period of time things can be put back in order. The difference between developing a plan in your mind and making that plan a reality can sometimes be a little overwhelming. It becomes even more difficult when your job pays you a straight commission and the amount of money you need is in the thousands. You know, as I look back at it now, no one could accuse me of not making lofty goals.
When you are the center of your own attention you fail to see the tremendous sacrifice that other people are making. For the months of November and December 1999 even though I hadn't gambled I wasn't able to generate much income either. Christmas was right around the corner and I had no idea how we were going to make it happen for our family. We had an apartment in St. John's and a house in Carbonear to pay for. We had two phone bills, two power bills, a car payment, insurance, groceries and a few things that I am probably forgetting. I really can't remember what kind of a contribution I made to our family finances during that two month period, if any at all. I had no idea what my wife was doing to get ready for Christmas either.
During my involvement with VLTs there were certain events that stick out in your mind. Christmas Eve, 2000 is definitely one of those times. Shortly after our kids went to bed, my wife and I started the tradition of gathering up the gifts and preparing for Santa's arrival. As my wife started to place the gifts in the living room and sort them for each of our children, I couldn't help but look on in amazement. How did she do it? How was she able to make a Christmas for our family by herself? When I commented to her about what she had achieved, a tear came to her eye. I had always known the strength of my wife, but I have to say that never before had I seen such courage in the face of adversity. This lady had created Christmas out of very little. She done it alone. She knew of my battles and she was going to keep fighting for this family as long as she could possibly do it.
My wife will tell you to this day that I believe that God understands your weaknesses and to make up for this he gives you someone to help you cope. It is no fluke that I married this very special person, she was given to me as a gift from God and I thank him for her everyday.
posted by Taximan at 9:28 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home