Obstacles
"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." - Frank A. Clark
This is one of those occasions where I am writing in my blog because of a need to release some stress. Just by sitting here typing away on my computer, my mind and my body seem to take a deep breath, as if in preparation for another day of "what the hell happened here anyway" thoughts. I have to be honest, in my wildest dreams this nightmare just wasn't there.
In my past few entries I have written about faith, failure, troubles, and living life as you find it, but folks it shouldn't be this difficult. Just one short month ago, it was Good Friday, my life was definitely looking upward. My abstinence was solid and closing in on the 21 month mark. Smoking continued to be allocated to my past, once again with nearly 20 months clear of my addiction. My daily walk was still inspiring, my work around the house was showing some positive signs, I was driving a taxi less than 40 hours a week and was still able to take just about every weekend off. My weight was closing in on my desired goal and my focus on healthy eating was getting even stronger. I got to spend time with my granddaughter just about every morning and from the outside looking in, one would think that our family as a whole, had very little to complain about.
"What the hell happened here?" Obstacles, I have spent my life dealing with obstacles. Folks, I can honestly say that in the past 30 days I have not done one negative thing to alter my life. No gambling, no smoking, no lying, no laziness, no anything, yet life has jumped up and taken a bite out of my ass, that no plastic surgeon could fix. I apologize, but it would be selfish of me to get into the details, but trust me, life is definitely confronting me with obstacles today.
To be honest, this is even aggravating me now. When I would kneel down and pray for strength to change something negative in my life to a positive, it was easy, because the negative, nearly 100% of the time was my own doing. Now though it is not so easy. Today when I kneel down and pray, there are way too many questions and even fewer answers. "What the hell happened here?"
This is one of those occasions where I am writing in my blog because of a need to release some stress. Just by sitting here typing away on my computer, my mind and my body seem to take a deep breath, as if in preparation for another day of "what the hell happened here anyway" thoughts. I have to be honest, in my wildest dreams this nightmare just wasn't there.
In my past few entries I have written about faith, failure, troubles, and living life as you find it, but folks it shouldn't be this difficult. Just one short month ago, it was Good Friday, my life was definitely looking upward. My abstinence was solid and closing in on the 21 month mark. Smoking continued to be allocated to my past, once again with nearly 20 months clear of my addiction. My daily walk was still inspiring, my work around the house was showing some positive signs, I was driving a taxi less than 40 hours a week and was still able to take just about every weekend off. My weight was closing in on my desired goal and my focus on healthy eating was getting even stronger. I got to spend time with my granddaughter just about every morning and from the outside looking in, one would think that our family as a whole, had very little to complain about.
"What the hell happened here?" Obstacles, I have spent my life dealing with obstacles. Folks, I can honestly say that in the past 30 days I have not done one negative thing to alter my life. No gambling, no smoking, no lying, no laziness, no anything, yet life has jumped up and taken a bite out of my ass, that no plastic surgeon could fix. I apologize, but it would be selfish of me to get into the details, but trust me, life is definitely confronting me with obstacles today.
To be honest, this is even aggravating me now. When I would kneel down and pray for strength to change something negative in my life to a positive, it was easy, because the negative, nearly 100% of the time was my own doing. Now though it is not so easy. Today when I kneel down and pray, there are way too many questions and even fewer answers. "What the hell happened here?"
posted by Taximan at 9:10 PM
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