Life's Purpose
"When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind." - Seneca
Is there such a thing? Are we suppose to have one? A purpose that is, or is having a purpose in life, just another ideal that someone thought up. Or maybe my purpose was to smoke, gamble, lie, cheat, seek forgiveness and do it all over again. Now there is a diatribe of negativity if you ever heard one. How can you ever move forward with this kind of garbage going through your mind. That is what this past week has been like. That is why there has been a break in my blog writing. No motivation, and a bountiful dose of negativity.
Everything was going so great and all of a sudden I hit this rut in the road. I read once, that the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Anyway, I had this plan to reach out and share my story with other people, with the intent of helping them. Of course, there would be a fee to cover expenses and for me to make an income. I have a very good friend, who has been involved with an addiction for over 16 years. His opinions are very important to me. This past week, we were talking about another person who was doing a smiliar thing, using his experience with drugs to help others, and my good friend did not agree. He had two main reasons, and he was adamant in both of them. One, something that you received for free, you are now going to charge for, the benefits I received from Gambler's Anonymous. Two, if while you are out spreading your story, you have a slip, this would send a very bad message about the Program.
So here I was, sitting in my taxi, and the disempowering thoughts started to flow freely. For example - "I told you it was foolish to quit. You knew this was not going to work. You could gamble once a week and control it that way. You are what you are, and no matter how hard you try, nothing is going to change that." Next question, what is my next step?
After some aggressive soul searching, a good dose of arse kicking, and an honest look at this past year, it was easy to see what I needed to do, Try Harder. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. Looking back on it, I have had a great year. Maybe, I want things to happen to quickly. To tell you the truth, I need to believe that I know what harbor I am making for, and I need to believe that I have the right wind. To think any differently, is almost like admitting defeat. The moral of the story is that this is what living with an addiction is all about. Concentrate on winning the battles and not on winning the war. I will continue my story in my next entry, for now, my name is John and I am a compulsive gambler.
Is there such a thing? Are we suppose to have one? A purpose that is, or is having a purpose in life, just another ideal that someone thought up. Or maybe my purpose was to smoke, gamble, lie, cheat, seek forgiveness and do it all over again. Now there is a diatribe of negativity if you ever heard one. How can you ever move forward with this kind of garbage going through your mind. That is what this past week has been like. That is why there has been a break in my blog writing. No motivation, and a bountiful dose of negativity.
Everything was going so great and all of a sudden I hit this rut in the road. I read once, that the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Anyway, I had this plan to reach out and share my story with other people, with the intent of helping them. Of course, there would be a fee to cover expenses and for me to make an income. I have a very good friend, who has been involved with an addiction for over 16 years. His opinions are very important to me. This past week, we were talking about another person who was doing a smiliar thing, using his experience with drugs to help others, and my good friend did not agree. He had two main reasons, and he was adamant in both of them. One, something that you received for free, you are now going to charge for, the benefits I received from Gambler's Anonymous. Two, if while you are out spreading your story, you have a slip, this would send a very bad message about the Program.
So here I was, sitting in my taxi, and the disempowering thoughts started to flow freely. For example - "I told you it was foolish to quit. You knew this was not going to work. You could gamble once a week and control it that way. You are what you are, and no matter how hard you try, nothing is going to change that." Next question, what is my next step?
After some aggressive soul searching, a good dose of arse kicking, and an honest look at this past year, it was easy to see what I needed to do, Try Harder. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. Looking back on it, I have had a great year. Maybe, I want things to happen to quickly. To tell you the truth, I need to believe that I know what harbor I am making for, and I need to believe that I have the right wind. To think any differently, is almost like admitting defeat. The moral of the story is that this is what living with an addiction is all about. Concentrate on winning the battles and not on winning the war. I will continue my story in my next entry, for now, my name is John and I am a compulsive gambler.
posted by Taximan at 8:42 AM
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