Do You Believe?
"He who does not know how to believe, should not know." - Antonio Porchia
Do you believe? In what you ask? Yourself, your family, your friends, your abilities, your faith, your future, Santa Claus, your recovery, your thoughts or anything else you deal with on a daily basis. Believing has become the focal point of my recovery. Why? Because my addiction to gambling stole everything that was decent in my life and if I can't believe that my hard work will return me to the person I was, than why bother. Believing in yourself, whether you are recovering from an addiction or just trying to make your way in life, is the first criteria to peace of mind. For me, my ego was my enemy. But when you fail in life, as I have, your ego takes quite a beating and only those who have the courage to accept who they truly are, will survive.
I believe though, that survival is not enough. I deserve better and so does my family. That is why today, I question everything I do. I try to ensure that my motives are correct, my purpose is honest, and that my beliefs are based on facts and not on wishful thinking. I have put every character defect that I have under the microscope. I have tried to be brutally honest with myself, challenging every thought and every conclusion. You may ask why is everything about me? It has to be or I can be of no use to anyone else. I have to fix me first. I have to fix the gambler. I have to take control of my own life, take responsiblity for fixing my defects. The people who have stood by me, encouraged me, supported me and loved me, deserve no less.
Every night when I lay my head on my pillow, I review my failures and my successes for that day, and I thank God for both. I then ask to be able to learn from my failures and be thankful for my progress. When I wake the next morning, I just say a simple thank you for the opportunity to try again. If I add anything else to the mix, it causes me to miss the most important things in life. By simplifying life in this manner, the really important things in this world gain a certain clarity. My gambling addiction has caused me much misery, but today, the benefits of my recovery, are giving me a new happiness, a new lease on life. It is often said that everything in life happens for a reason. For me, without the knowledge of my weaknesses, without my many failures, without the crushing of my ego, I would never experience fully the gifts that are in my life today.
This brings me to Santa Claus. For children, Santa Claus is all about believing. They believe in the reindeer, the elves, the soot in the chimney and the crumbs he leaves on the plate after finishing the cookies. They believe because they trust what we tell them. They believe because of their innocence. We could learn a lot of lessons from our children. As we rush around this Christmas season, cutting people off, cursing and swearing at all the people in our way, and saying we have the Christmas spirit but failing to prove it, we should think of our children. Their belief in a bearded old man, brings a smile to their faces. Our love for them should bring a smile to our faces. We need to find the child inside of us, we need to find the miracle that happens when you believe. Whether you think about that "child" in the manger or that "child" inside of you, believe.
Do you believe? In what you ask? Yourself, your family, your friends, your abilities, your faith, your future, Santa Claus, your recovery, your thoughts or anything else you deal with on a daily basis. Believing has become the focal point of my recovery. Why? Because my addiction to gambling stole everything that was decent in my life and if I can't believe that my hard work will return me to the person I was, than why bother. Believing in yourself, whether you are recovering from an addiction or just trying to make your way in life, is the first criteria to peace of mind. For me, my ego was my enemy. But when you fail in life, as I have, your ego takes quite a beating and only those who have the courage to accept who they truly are, will survive.
I believe though, that survival is not enough. I deserve better and so does my family. That is why today, I question everything I do. I try to ensure that my motives are correct, my purpose is honest, and that my beliefs are based on facts and not on wishful thinking. I have put every character defect that I have under the microscope. I have tried to be brutally honest with myself, challenging every thought and every conclusion. You may ask why is everything about me? It has to be or I can be of no use to anyone else. I have to fix me first. I have to fix the gambler. I have to take control of my own life, take responsiblity for fixing my defects. The people who have stood by me, encouraged me, supported me and loved me, deserve no less.
Every night when I lay my head on my pillow, I review my failures and my successes for that day, and I thank God for both. I then ask to be able to learn from my failures and be thankful for my progress. When I wake the next morning, I just say a simple thank you for the opportunity to try again. If I add anything else to the mix, it causes me to miss the most important things in life. By simplifying life in this manner, the really important things in this world gain a certain clarity. My gambling addiction has caused me much misery, but today, the benefits of my recovery, are giving me a new happiness, a new lease on life. It is often said that everything in life happens for a reason. For me, without the knowledge of my weaknesses, without my many failures, without the crushing of my ego, I would never experience fully the gifts that are in my life today.
This brings me to Santa Claus. For children, Santa Claus is all about believing. They believe in the reindeer, the elves, the soot in the chimney and the crumbs he leaves on the plate after finishing the cookies. They believe because they trust what we tell them. They believe because of their innocence. We could learn a lot of lessons from our children. As we rush around this Christmas season, cutting people off, cursing and swearing at all the people in our way, and saying we have the Christmas spirit but failing to prove it, we should think of our children. Their belief in a bearded old man, brings a smile to their faces. Our love for them should bring a smile to our faces. We need to find the child inside of us, we need to find the miracle that happens when you believe. Whether you think about that "child" in the manger or that "child" inside of you, believe.
posted by Taximan at 12:56 PM
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