Troubles or Failure

"If things go wrong don't go with them." - Roger Babson

Depending which view point you take when looking at events in your life, you can tag them as troubles or you can tag them as failures. In transforming my life from what it was to what it is today, I now see more troubles than failures. This is a very important distinction because it impacts on the approach you take in addressing one or the other. Decisions you make when dealing with these types of events could impact relationships, work, health or any number of emotional responses triggered by life altering experiences.

Troubles, in my mind are events that cause worry and stress. Sickness, death, finances, marital problems and addictions are very troubling events and either one of these in isolation can cause significant concern for an individual. If a person was unfortunate enough to have more than one of these troubles inflict him/her at once, the worry and stress can cause untold pain. Imagine an individual having to deal with the death of a loved one, an addiction, marital problems and financial concerns all at once, where would they turn, or better yet who could they turn to. How do you walk forward with this kind of wind blowing in your face? What type of optimism or motivational story could help you see light in this type of darkness? My suggestion to any person in this type of mess would be to remember your faith, remember to love, remember to be patient and remember how far you have come.

Failures, in my mind are signs of growth. If you are failing it also means you are trying. What is not working today may very well work tomorrow. As William D. Brown said "failure is an event, never a person". The only true failure is to stop trying. Edison said "he had ten thousand ways that don't work", but each one led him to the eventual success that he was searching for. Each person in their daily life is searching for some type of success, optimism and determination will ensure that failing is never an option.

By writing this entry today, maybe a person who may find themselves in this type of circumstance or something similar, will believe enough in their own ability and conviction to continue moving forward. You must always remember that when things go wrong, which they surely will, you can't go with them.

Play It As It Lies

"Golf is like solitaire, when you cheat, you cheat only yourself." - Tony Lema

It definitely can be said that "Life is like solitaire, when you cheat life, you cheat only yourself" because I have no doubt that whenever you attempt to make two wrongs equal a right it never works. There is a saying in golf "play it as it lies", meaning you have to play the ball where it comes to rest. If you move the ball you have to take a penalty stroke. After the events of the past few days it is becoming very apparent to me that we have to live life as we find it as well. When we awake in the morning we have no idea what we will have to deal with before the sun goes down, the only certainty is that whatever happens we have no choice but to accept.

Let me deal with the first issue of cheating yourself. I have spent the past few years tinkering with my character, addressing certain issues from my past and trying to motivate myself to be better and to do more. All along I have been ignoring an issue from my past that eventually would have to be dealt with. I wasn't cheating so much as I was being ignorant to the harm that this issue could do to both myself and my family. A little over a month ago I even tried to address this issue and get it settled once and for all. Well, this past Thursday it came home to roost, and now I am left with no choice but to place it front and center in my life. To say that the timing could not have been worse, would be a definite understatement.

The second issue of dealing with life as it unfolds, also left me numb and alone this past week. I lost a very special person in my life a week ago today. Though we had our battles, I had a tremendous respect for this man. What is good in my life today, I learned from him, and while I should have visited him far more often, there was a definite security in knowing that he was only a phone call away. As I write this entry, there is a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye, but I am consoled in the knowledge that he would want me to face these challenges, with honesty and integrity.

Two weeks ago, my life was wonderful, I was happy, my wife and children were doing fine, my future looked very bright. Today, I sit here feeling very alone, an empty, hurting pain deep in my soul. But in life, as in golf, we have to play the ball as we find it, to do otherwise, would be cheating.

The Next Step

"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins." - Bob Moawad

Is it coincidence or faith? When a string of events happen that get you thinking about your life in a particular way, were they meant to be this way or are you seeing what you want to see. For months on end now, I have been moving very slowly, but steadily towards a yet undetermined goal. As you can probably guess from reading this blog, there are still many issues in my life that cause me to question what I am doing and where I am going. Whether it is because of my past or because of my fear of failure, there is definitely too much caution in my life today, which brings me to the events of the past few days.

On Sunday evening I found the quote which is at the top of this page. For some strange reason it really stuck with me and on Monday I tried to write a blog entry using this quote, but I found that the context of my writing just didn't fit with what I believe this quote was telling me. Then my sister phoned to tell me my uncle had passed away. While we hadn't been close in the past few years, there was a time when my kids were younger that we would spend a great deal of time camping together. I remember those days very fondly and I remember what a kind and gentle man my uncle was.

On Tuesday the call came that my Dad was at the hospital. Thankfully his illness is not too serious and he should be back home in a few days. As I sat with Dad for a little while last night, my thoughts took me back to those days in the park, with my uncle and his wife, my Dad and Mom, my wife and kids and anyone else who happened by during our stay. They were definitely some of the best times in my life and as I looked at Dad, just maybe they were some of the best times in his life as well. I thought how lonely he must be now, since Mom passed away, and what does the rest of his life hold in store for him as he approaches his 84th birthday.

Then as I lay in bed last night, it struck me, the journey, all along I have been missing the journey. My focus has either been on my past or my future. Instead of living life and accepting everything it involves, I have spent my time trying to design my life, every detail, every emotion, every thought. I realize now that the time has come to accept my life as my own, no apologies or no excuses. What is done is done. Anything that happens in the future belongs to me, no more trying to control people, no more leaning posts, no more blame, inward or outward. My life, my responsibility, some mistakes, some failures, some successes. The amazing journey of choosing the quality of your own life. My life, God's gift, thank you.

Have or Have Not, Are You Counting?

"Do we have what we want and do we want what we have?" - wjg

It is Good Friday, one of those days during the year when a great number of people just stop and reflect on exactly where we are in this wonderful universe. Some people reflect on the religious tones of this special day. Other people sleep late and awake to wonder where do we go from here. Other people, those really busy people, think a great deal about what they want, new toys, new homes, nice holidays and so on. And then there are those who could care less about anything.

When I began my walk this morning I was awe struck by the stillness and serenity of the little street that I live on. It got me thinking about wants and needs, what is it that I want and do I want what I currently have? As those thoughts developed in a still somewhat sleepy mind, I began to realize those things that I currently have in my life and those things that are missing from my life.

What do I have? I woke this morning with my wife by my side, but I know someone who lost his wife at a much to early age. My children are healthy and living in this province, but I know people who are not so lucky. I could see, hear, smell, touch and taste, but I know people who have lost one or more of their senses. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on my table, but I drive people who are homeless and hungry. I could go for my walk, but I know someone in a wheelchair. I have a beautiful granddaughter, but I know someone who lost their grandchild to a car accident. I have any number of freedoms guaranteed to me because of where I live, but I know that there are people in this world with no freedoms. I awake every morning to a very peaceful setting, but I know there are people who awake to the noise of tanks and gunfire in their neighbourhood. What do I have, just about everything a human being could ask for.

What is missing in my life? Cancer, multiple sclerosis, parkinsons, heart disease, strokes, chronic pain, kidney failure, diabetes, any number of crippling diseases, etc. etc., but I drive people who are living daily with these and many other chronic health problems. Smoking, gambling, drinking and drugs, but I drive people who are suffering from each of these vices. Physical, mental and emotional abuse, but I drive people who cannot free themselves from these issues. On this Good Friday I pray that these things that are missing from my life continue to remain on the missing list.

There are many, many occasions when I wish that I never had started driving a taxi. However, if you would like to have an open window on the real world, drive a taxi for a week or two. People step aboard my taxi every day, living with every conceivable emotion that you can imagine. I get to witness the real world, up close and personal. Everyday people, relating everyday stories, to a taxi driver who is very thankful for everything I have and just as thankful for everything that is missing.

Happy Easter

Blame

"I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man I have ever met." - Dwight Lyman Moody

Why blame yourself when it is so easy to blame someone else? Who do you blame? When something happens in your life, due to something you did or didn't do, who or what do you blame it on? Think about this for a few moments. Okay, so you are one of the few people on this planet who actually takes responsibility for your daily activities. Why didn't you do the dishes? Was it because you didn't want to, (which is the truth) or because this person called and then I had to do something else and before I could get that finished .................and on it goes, blaming.

Throughout my gambling days, blaming other people for my own inadequacies was easy. There was a fall guy or gal for everything, nothing was my fault. Even during my short periods of abstinence, someone else was responsible for my failures. Whenever we are challenged about our actions, whenever the truth makes us uncomfortable, we lay blame externally, instead of internally. Why is honesty so difficult? Is it because our society is so accepting? Is it because we never challenge the person laying blame? How can I honestly look in the mirror and state that my actions or inactions today are caused by something that happened thirty years ago? How can I sit here today and fail to accept responsibility for my current status in life?

We do it, we all do it. Every act, every deed, every misdeed, every inaction, every fault, every result, can be, with quick thinking, blamed on the other person, whom ever that may be. I have seen mothers blame babies, wives blame friends, husbands blame work, employers blame money, kids blame other kids and addicts blaming everybody. The bottom line folks is there is only one person to blame. There is only one person responsible for your status in life, right now, today. There is only one person pulling the trigger on the shotgun of your life.

You and only you are in control of your future destination. What you decide to do in the next minute, hour, day, week, month or year, is your choice. If you waste this time, it was your decision. If you use this time to grow as a person, it will be your decision as well. The only thing that you should remember is, the next time you are asked a question, look inward instead of outward for your answer. It is from within, after a long and oft times hurtful battle, that the truest answers will be found. The reason that I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man is because my way was to blame it on the other man.