Understanding An Addict - Part I
"Never look down on anybody, unless you are helping him up." - Jesse Jackson
One of the first things that became very apparent to me when I became serious about my recovery was the disconnect between an addict and a non-addict. A person who is not a compulsive gambler, who is not an alcoholic, who is not a drug addict, has a very difficult time understanding how a person can say they love you and then treat them in such an unloving way.
Addictions are all about self and selfishness. While under the control of an addiction, an addict operates in a manner that is totally self-serving. They will say anything, do anything and go the full distance to feed their habit. In the moments where there is some type of reality, guilt takes control of their thoughts, and guilt can only send you in one direction, back to your addiction. The thing is, when you are in front of a machine, or when you are drunk, or when you are wasted on drugs, you are removed from reality. You don't have to think about the people you are hurting or the damage you are doing to yourself, all that matters is feeding the addiction.
This doesn't mean that you don't have feelings, it doesn't mean that you don't love the special people in your life. All it means is that at the present time the addiction is winning, the addiction is stronger than your will to stop. The truth is that most addicts have a greater ability to love and care about other people than non-addicts because they know what hurt is and what pain is and the damage it can cause. They understand loneliness, fear, guilt, hatred and all the other crippling feelings that go with an addiction. They can look into another person's eyes and see the pain. Why? Because they have seen it so often before.
An addict is a living, breathing human being. An addict is someone's husband or wife, son or daughter, sister or brother, they need help, non-judgemental help. The thing we need to understand is that they may turn down a helping hand a thousand times before they accept it. They may abuse a loved one's trust a thousand times before they truly accept them. But the wonderful thing is, we can help them, we can rescue them, we can love them.
I thank God everyday for the people in my life who helped me, who rescued me, who loved me enough to try one more time.
One of the first things that became very apparent to me when I became serious about my recovery was the disconnect between an addict and a non-addict. A person who is not a compulsive gambler, who is not an alcoholic, who is not a drug addict, has a very difficult time understanding how a person can say they love you and then treat them in such an unloving way.
Addictions are all about self and selfishness. While under the control of an addiction, an addict operates in a manner that is totally self-serving. They will say anything, do anything and go the full distance to feed their habit. In the moments where there is some type of reality, guilt takes control of their thoughts, and guilt can only send you in one direction, back to your addiction. The thing is, when you are in front of a machine, or when you are drunk, or when you are wasted on drugs, you are removed from reality. You don't have to think about the people you are hurting or the damage you are doing to yourself, all that matters is feeding the addiction.
This doesn't mean that you don't have feelings, it doesn't mean that you don't love the special people in your life. All it means is that at the present time the addiction is winning, the addiction is stronger than your will to stop. The truth is that most addicts have a greater ability to love and care about other people than non-addicts because they know what hurt is and what pain is and the damage it can cause. They understand loneliness, fear, guilt, hatred and all the other crippling feelings that go with an addiction. They can look into another person's eyes and see the pain. Why? Because they have seen it so often before.
An addict is a living, breathing human being. An addict is someone's husband or wife, son or daughter, sister or brother, they need help, non-judgemental help. The thing we need to understand is that they may turn down a helping hand a thousand times before they accept it. They may abuse a loved one's trust a thousand times before they truly accept them. But the wonderful thing is, we can help them, we can rescue them, we can love them.
I thank God everyday for the people in my life who helped me, who rescued me, who loved me enough to try one more time.
posted by Taximan at 11:00 AM
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