Changing The Spin
"When you change the way you look at things.....the things you look at change." - Anonymous
When I was at the peak in my gambling addiction, my life seemed to be in a constant spin. My days were spent either gambling or trying to find money to gamble with. When I wasn't spending time at those fine endeavours, my mind was preoccupied with covering my tracks. Telling lie after lie until it got to a point where you couldn't tell the lies from the truth. My life was so empty, so lacking in substance that nothing really mattered. But I didn't quit, I kept my resolve, and each new day I would vow that things would get better. The only problem with that picture was that as long as I was gambling, things would never get better. I needed to change the way I looked at things.
On April 10, 2007, my life once again went into a spin. By April 16, 2007, things had gone completely out of control, as I was faced with the death of a family member. On April 19, 2007, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. Less than five minutes after returning home from the cemetry, a sheriff knocked on my door and a legal nightmare was born. Within three hours of this happening, the people that I loved the most and needed the most had shut their door on me as well. For the next few weeks my life was totally empty again. If you have been reading my blog, you would of gotten a sense of my frustration. But I didn't quit, I kept my resolve, and each new day I would vow that things would get better. This time my chances were much enhanced, because this time there was no gambling, there was no lying, this time I felt that things would get better.
As the days turned into weeks, the spin continued, I was working hard, but it seemed like I was walking on quicksand. Then, just as if lightening struck, the hard work began to pay off. This past few weeks, armed with a new attitude and a faith both in myself and my Higher Power, we stopped the spinning. Today, with a great relief, the legal problem is behind me and a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now, I can begin to deal with the sudden loss of a man I truly respected, even though we definitely had our struggles. Now, I can begin to rebuild what remains of my life, hopefully with much patience, hope and understanding.
The message today for everyone reading this entry is, you must believe. You have to garner the courage and the faith to face your fears, whatever they may be. Addictions only destroy lives if you allow them to be destroyed. Both the addicted and their victims need to face their respective fears. The key though, is to face those fears together, supporting each other and admitting when you are truly afraid.
By changing the way you look at things......the things you look at change.
When I was at the peak in my gambling addiction, my life seemed to be in a constant spin. My days were spent either gambling or trying to find money to gamble with. When I wasn't spending time at those fine endeavours, my mind was preoccupied with covering my tracks. Telling lie after lie until it got to a point where you couldn't tell the lies from the truth. My life was so empty, so lacking in substance that nothing really mattered. But I didn't quit, I kept my resolve, and each new day I would vow that things would get better. The only problem with that picture was that as long as I was gambling, things would never get better. I needed to change the way I looked at things.
On April 10, 2007, my life once again went into a spin. By April 16, 2007, things had gone completely out of control, as I was faced with the death of a family member. On April 19, 2007, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. Less than five minutes after returning home from the cemetry, a sheriff knocked on my door and a legal nightmare was born. Within three hours of this happening, the people that I loved the most and needed the most had shut their door on me as well. For the next few weeks my life was totally empty again. If you have been reading my blog, you would of gotten a sense of my frustration. But I didn't quit, I kept my resolve, and each new day I would vow that things would get better. This time my chances were much enhanced, because this time there was no gambling, there was no lying, this time I felt that things would get better.
As the days turned into weeks, the spin continued, I was working hard, but it seemed like I was walking on quicksand. Then, just as if lightening struck, the hard work began to pay off. This past few weeks, armed with a new attitude and a faith both in myself and my Higher Power, we stopped the spinning. Today, with a great relief, the legal problem is behind me and a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now, I can begin to deal with the sudden loss of a man I truly respected, even though we definitely had our struggles. Now, I can begin to rebuild what remains of my life, hopefully with much patience, hope and understanding.
The message today for everyone reading this entry is, you must believe. You have to garner the courage and the faith to face your fears, whatever they may be. Addictions only destroy lives if you allow them to be destroyed. Both the addicted and their victims need to face their respective fears. The key though, is to face those fears together, supporting each other and admitting when you are truly afraid.
By changing the way you look at things......the things you look at change.
posted by Taximan at 10:02 PM
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