Too Hot To Touch
"Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death." - Author Unknown
The victims of addictions are most often the people that the addict needs the most. Their relationship is so important to an addict's recovery, that the majority of the time we forget about the victim's recovery or even if they need one. Then comes the trust factor. After very short periods of abstinence, most addicts can't understand why their spouse, partner, parent or friend doesn't trust them. Failing to come to terms with this type of confusion, usually leads to a further erosion of the relationship.
The deeper you go into your recovery and the longer your abstinence becomes, can go a long way in returning a degree of trust into your relationships. But can that victims full, unconditional trust be returned? I don't believe it can. You see, your living your life "One Day At A Time", trying your best to put space between you and your particular vice. You continue to tell people that a slip can happen and you need their support if it does happen. Your victim is trying to return their life to some type of normality, but they are very cognizant of just how fragile their life and their relationship with you really is. The longer your abstinence continues, the more comfortable the victim becomes, but they never let down their guard, their fears are real, even if they say something different.
You see, sub-consciously, their fears never go away. They don't want to be afraid, they just can't help it. In a sense you are "Too Hot To Touch". When you tell them you will never drink again, or never put another dollar in a machine, or never touch another drug, they believe you in the moment, they so want to believe you, but if you put their hand anywhere near the fire, all the bells and whistles of yesterday go off in their heads and you are left wondering what happened. Even if what occurred is just some left over residue from your past, the fear of your past is just too overwhelming. Like a recurring nightmare, your victim can only see the pain returning, they are just not equipped to look at the problem and help you deal with it. You are too hot to touch.
So how do you respond? What does this type of response do to your recovery? What effect does it have on your relationship? Who do you turn to? What can you say? My only thought involves patience and understanding. Think about all they have been through, think about how afraid they must be, think about how confused they must be and give them time. Time for them to see and understand that your recovery is strong, your abstinence is solidly intact and your faith is starving your fears to death.
The victims of addictions are most often the people that the addict needs the most. Their relationship is so important to an addict's recovery, that the majority of the time we forget about the victim's recovery or even if they need one. Then comes the trust factor. After very short periods of abstinence, most addicts can't understand why their spouse, partner, parent or friend doesn't trust them. Failing to come to terms with this type of confusion, usually leads to a further erosion of the relationship.
The deeper you go into your recovery and the longer your abstinence becomes, can go a long way in returning a degree of trust into your relationships. But can that victims full, unconditional trust be returned? I don't believe it can. You see, your living your life "One Day At A Time", trying your best to put space between you and your particular vice. You continue to tell people that a slip can happen and you need their support if it does happen. Your victim is trying to return their life to some type of normality, but they are very cognizant of just how fragile their life and their relationship with you really is. The longer your abstinence continues, the more comfortable the victim becomes, but they never let down their guard, their fears are real, even if they say something different.
You see, sub-consciously, their fears never go away. They don't want to be afraid, they just can't help it. In a sense you are "Too Hot To Touch". When you tell them you will never drink again, or never put another dollar in a machine, or never touch another drug, they believe you in the moment, they so want to believe you, but if you put their hand anywhere near the fire, all the bells and whistles of yesterday go off in their heads and you are left wondering what happened. Even if what occurred is just some left over residue from your past, the fear of your past is just too overwhelming. Like a recurring nightmare, your victim can only see the pain returning, they are just not equipped to look at the problem and help you deal with it. You are too hot to touch.
So how do you respond? What does this type of response do to your recovery? What effect does it have on your relationship? Who do you turn to? What can you say? My only thought involves patience and understanding. Think about all they have been through, think about how afraid they must be, think about how confused they must be and give them time. Time for them to see and understand that your recovery is strong, your abstinence is solidly intact and your faith is starving your fears to death.
posted by Taximan at 10:24 PM
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